What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
