so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
