We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
