You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
