Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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