You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
