you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
