I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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