What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
