READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
