kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
false alarm, still single
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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