so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
