Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
