I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
that's an acceptable place to lick
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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