I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
