we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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