hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
