you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
