he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
