And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
