i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
