It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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