i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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