he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
