I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
