I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
