Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
