Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Text me some of your sweat
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
