What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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