i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
