my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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