haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
