Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize