The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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