i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's shark week go big or go home
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