then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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