You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
