it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
