just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everclear isn't food dammit
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
