Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
