Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
