In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
