My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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