And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
