Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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