Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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