I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
