I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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