i think i scared a bird with my dick
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
