At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
then he tried to convert me to islam
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
