I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
