You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
