Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
