If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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