he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
