As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
