She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
