I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
