thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
