hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sober January is a disaster.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
