I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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