never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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