I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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