my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
