it hurts more in the daytime
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
