I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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